Resurgence
I have been struggling for sometime with my faith. It might be more accurate to say that I have been in a dry period - it has been a long dry period. I would not even venture to guess how long it has truly been. I have had small oasis’s while in the dessert (Mission Trips/special times but nothing consistent) but have not been in a truly rainy period with God in a long time (a time where I have felt Gods full power in my life, I know that it has been me and not him). Right now it is starting to drizzle. I am sensing God beginning to do somethings in my life, nothing overly special but just sensing him moving.
What is interesting about God beginning to do somethings is that it is the way that God is going about this. I never would have thought that I would begin to head down the right track by God exposing my sinfulness. In my thoughts I would have been overwhelmed by God doing powerful things in my life. Now he is not exposing my sinfullness others but to me in a gentle and kind way. The areas of my life that have slipped during this dry period are being pointed out to me.
In the past when God would try to work this way I would be offended and I would recoil from it. Right now it has triggered a resurgence in me of desiring to get to know God in a more personal way. The more aware I have become, the more I am relying on God to help me with it. I have in the past tried to fix these things on my own, I am a male and that is what we do isn’t it, we fix things. I have found I can not fix these things on my own. I am now seeing that is what has lead me into this dessert. I have tried to fix myself so that I would look good to God. I am so silly, I know that I cannot do it that way, but I did it anyway.
My prayer is that I would keep work with God and doing things his way, instead of trying to fix it so that I look good to him. I also pray that this would not be a drizzle but a full on downpour in my life of God.
Anyone have any thoughts on this or gone through stuff like this. I know that I am not alone.
